Burning Questions We Have For ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’

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If you’re reading this, then you probably already know that “Fifty Shades of Grey” ends with a major cliffhanger. Either that, or you’re just a glutton for punishment in the form of spoilers. But regardless of your personal issues, “Fifty” left us with a whole gaggle of hot, burning questions even before the sure-to-be-controversial ending — questions we need answered now, dammit!

Here are some of the ones that have our brains quivering with anticipation… for the two sequels the next one is set in 2016.

1. How do Christian and Ana move past that horrible fight?
Maddeningly (a guy in my theater full-on screamed, “WHAT?!”), “Fifty Shades” ended right after the film’s most brutal scene — Christian (Jamie Dornan) repeatedly hit Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) with a belt as a punishment for doing basically nothing. Touching him? Yeah, I think it was touching him.
She then (understandably) breaks up with him, but when she flees his apartment, he tries to change her mind at the elevator — and seemingly succeeds? Basically, he says her name, she says his, but then the elevator doors close… and so does the movie. We know films two and three will find Christian and Ana crossing paths again, but how they’ll get past that episode is definitely the number one question on our minds.

2. Why is Christian the way that he is?
We learned a lot about Ms. Steele throughout the film, but Christian stayed maddeningly quiet about his past. We know it involves a sordid family history, an adoption, and a child abusing “Mrs. Robinson,” but so much else — like why he freaks the eff out whenever he’s touched — remains to be seen. How does one go from a “free” submissive to an uber-controlling dominant? Guess we’ll have to wait and see!

3. How did Christian hide his Red Room of Pain from his family?
Okay, so everybody I was with laughed at me about this one, but how did Christian — whose mother was shown casually dropping by, as if this was a common thing — successfully hide his Red Room of Pain from his entire, seemingly close family? Like, if your lovingly nosey mother dropped by and you had this one, mysterious room that you always kept locked and were super weird about, don’t you think said mother would find a way to figure out what was in there? A mother always knows.

4. Where were all the dildos?
We saw a whole lot of things in Christian’s RRoP — ropes, cable ties, flogs, whips, handcuffs… basically, the whole kit and caboodle. However, dildos were nowhere to be found, which is strange because they were on the freaking contract. Were they not allowed to appear due to some sort of ratings issue, or did director Sam Taylor-Johnson shy away from them because they’re not sexy or BDSM enough? Either way, they’re a frequently used sexual commodity, so their absence was glaring.

5. What’s the deal with Anastasia’s mom?
Pretty much all of the other mothers I know — would never be okay with their daughter’s (or son’s!) new boy/girlfriend crashing a family trip uninvited all stalker-like. There has to be more going on with her, because allowing that to happen, and even framing it as something romantic, is just wrong.

6. Did Kate actually get a journalism job?
… Because if so, journalism is dead, long live journalism. We all love our girl Kate Kavanagh, but real magazines and newspapers — and heck, even blogs! — aren’t really cool with their reporters sending their roommates to do their interviews for them because they have a cold.

7. Who ate that wonderful sushi?
Obviously Anastasia has some weird issues with food, but that sushi they served during the negotiation scene looked Grade-A excellent, and to see it sitting there uneaten inspired a rage in me that hadn’t been felt since Walter White threw that pizza on the roof on “Breaking Bad.” You just don’t do that to sushi. Let’s hope one of Christian’s uber-blonde assistants found a bottle of chard and went to town.

2 thoughts on “Burning Questions We Have For ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’”

  1. Why is Christian the way he is? He is certainly NOT a sadomasochist because of his dreadful childhood. He is a sadomasochist because he was born with this inclination. Would you put these questions about a gay person with a dreadful childhood? I’m sick and tired of sadomasochism being declared a sickness. First, I was hoping that this idea sprang from the naive little brain of Ana. Now, it sprang from the naive little brain of the author. And millions believe it. Would you let this happen to the gay movement? No. So why us?

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  2. Oh, and: “(he) repeatedly hit Anastasia … with a belt as a punishment for doing basically nothing” — oh, sure, it was for something. She deliberately asked for it because she wanted to know. Curiosity kills the cat.

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